The Pain in the Psychiatrist
by InuGhost2.0
Summary: It’s slightly ironic how something I hate so much will solve my problems. As I picked the weapon up and started to load it I couldn’t help but think of how I got here to this point in time.
1. Chapter 1

**The Pain in the Psychiatrist**

**By: **InuGhost2.0

Disclaimer: I don't own BONES or anything that appears in this

A/N: Given my current mood I felt compelled to write this. It may not be very good, but oh well. I'd recommend paying attention to the rating and the genre because this isn't lighthearted like my other stories.

Rain pattered lightly against the office window forming small rivers that twisted and turned on its route down the window before being lost in an endless stream plummeting into the black abyss below. I had always enjoyed the rain even as a child. It always helped to make him feel at peace. Today however I felt nothing my heart as blank and empty as the night sky.

Turning back to my desk I laid eyes once again on the remains of my book. I couldn't recall how many sleepless nights I had spent writing it. Taking extra time and effort to ensure I had clearly stated and conveyed my point. Writing it had dredged up several painful memories from my past and present but I had foolishly told myself the pain I suffered was worth it to make the book as good as possible. I had sent it to Dr. Wyatt in the hope it would persuade him to write the introduction. A week after he received it he came to my office and politely my entire argument and rendered months of painstaking research and sessions with Dr. Brennan and Agent Booth completely pointless. It hadn't even taking him ten minutes.

Sighing heavily I sat back down behind my desk and pushed the book into the trashcan. Dr. Wyatt's review had only been the icing atop what was quickly becoming one of the worst months of my life. Of course that's how my life always went. A brief upturn before plummeting to the rocks below leaving me feeling even worse off that I did before.

Opening a desk drawer I reached in and removed a key hidden way in the back. Being a psychiatrist it was necessary for my desk drawers to have locks on them doubly so considering I worked for the FBI. Inserting the key I reached in and removed the item inside and set it on my desk with a firm thud.

I had never liked guns. I had even made it clear to Agent Booth several times that I wanted him to not bring his gun to the sessions, but he never listened. Neither of them did, and really why should they. I'm just some young kid who doesn't know what he's talking about with a degree in junk science according to Dr. Brennan. If I wasn't required to keep my issued weapon nearby on the off chance a patient wanted to hurt me then I'd have gotten rid of it long ago. It's slightly ironic how something I hate so much will solve my problems. As I picked the weapon up and started to load it I couldn't help but think of how I got here to this point in time.

_-_-_-

"To be quite honest I worry about Dr. Sweets. His book revealed much about him that…well frankly leaves me troubled. Has he been acting different lately?" Picking up the warm coffee mugs Dr. Gordon Wyatt set them down on the table before taking his own seat.

"No, everything has been fine. Sweets are just as happy as ever."

"I wouldn't be so certain of that Bones." Picking up the mug Booth took a sip of the tea inside. While he would have preferred Beer, Gordon Gordon was supplying the drinks and didn't believe have a taste for it, likely because it wasn't _as_ civilized. "Sweets looked pretty down to me after his girlfriend broke up with him, and he hasn't tried to get us to talk about ourselves."

"Now that is interesting. Tell me why did she break up with Dr. Sweets?"

"When Booth and I were questioning people at a wedding shop we saw Daisy, that's Sweets' ex-girlfriend, trying on wedding dresses while accompanied by another man. We mistakenly believed she was using Sweets to cheat on her fiancés, and well…I told him. Turned out she was doing it for her sister and she broke up with him because he didn't trust her." Bones shifted uncomfortably in her seat. She still felt guilty for letting Sweets know and inadvertently breaking his relationship up.

"Well I'm certain you two went and included him in your activities."

"Actually we didn't. We got bogged down by the case, and then we got that skeleton from Norway. I don't know about Bones but I tried to take him out for a beer and he refused. Said he didn't want to be a burden."

"I really don't do night activities. Sure I'll go out to eat with Booth and the gang every so often. But usually I'm either identifying skeletal remains, or working on my next book."

"Now see that is one of your problems Dr. Brennan. You associate inclusion to be limited solely to non work related activities. You could have attempted to include him in your projects."

"But why? Sweets is a psychiatrist, not a forensic anthropologist he simply would have been in the way and bored."

"But he wouldn't have been alone." Getting up from his seat Dr. Wyatt headed over to the stove and checked how the food was coming along. "This dish is what got me accepted into the culinary school. It's quite good but takes some time to cook. I'd say about an hour before its ready. Plenty of time for you both to check up on Dr. Sweets and invite him back with you." Turning he glanced to the Special Agent locking eyes with him.

"C'mon Bones let's go get Sweets." Grabbing his coat he slipped into it before pulling out his car keys and heading to the door.

**A/N: Well that's it for now. Please review and let me know what you think.**


	2. Fragments from the Past

**Disclaimer: I own pretty much nothing that appears in this, and if I do own anything that appears in this better it is left unknown.**

A/N: Well here we are once again. Time to dive farther in and see what it is that has affected Sweets so much. Please bear with me here since this wasn't the easiest thing to write.

**Fragments from the Past**

As far back as I could remember I was almost always alone. Sure I had friends growing up but invariably they'd either grow tired of me, or leave for some reason or other. The people that adopted me I viewed as being my parents. They never physically punished me, and believed in me more than my biological parents did. I was their only child so they usually had time for me, provided they weren't busy with work or having their own life.

My problems really started in middle school. The last of my friends moved away during the summer and though we stayed in touch I was alone. Self confidence was a problem that I'd dealt with for years and being naturally shy I had a difficult time making new friends. Things took an especially nasty turn for me during that school year. Having no friends to hang out with I sought comfort in the form of books. Rarely did I spend any of my free time doing something other than reading. These factors made me stand out among my peers and made me the prime target of bullies.

Paul, Cortland, and Ben my own personal tormentors and demons. They found it highly amusing to torment me in just about every mental way possible. They would steal my books threatening to destroy them, mercilessly tease me till I broke into tears, and play mind games with me till I had a headache.

I've heard all the excuses. They do it because they want to be your friend, they do it to build themselves up, they do it to relieve their own pain and suffering, they do it because they can. To this day I cannot justify what they did to me, or the irreparable damage they had done. I still hear them in my nightmares and darkest thoughts tormenting me still.

To make things all the worse they just had to be the Popular kids. Good in athletics, good looking, funny, and smart. Within days every one of my peers knew I was their target and knew well enough to either stay well away from me or that tormenting me was a quick and easy way into the good graces of the Popular.

After one year my parents moved to the other side of town. I still don't know if they secretly knew what I was being forced to endure quietly and with their recent deaths I'll probably never know. Moving got me away from there but as luck had it I quickly became the target of a single bully at my new school.

By that point in my life I had withdrawn too much from the outside world. I didn't trust any of my peers and would not let anyone get close to me in order to protect myself from hurt and betrayal. I was helped by the fact no one else at my school had any desire to try and know me and they all kept a wide berth of me.

Unsurprisingly ignoring me, and avoiding my person, at all costs became normalcy after the events at Columbine. I heard a rumor once that I was near the top of the list as 'Most Likely to Stage Their Own Columbine', though being a social pariah and a loner I never could substantiate the rumors.

Throughout high school I continued to be ignored and treated as if I had leprosy or something. But by that time I no longer cared about anything. Emotionally I was colder than Dr. Brennan once was, and even the books I loved no longer brought a smile to my face. It was during this time that I found Death Metal an outlet for all the pain and anger that had built up inside of me.

Thinking back on it now I find it hilarious that so many people blame every form of entertainment for the violence in the younger generations, and yet they never once think that it may be caused solely by their peers, that all the violent television, music, and games serve as an outlet so those same kids don't vent their anger and frustration through criminal means. Now there's a study I'd like to see. How many Columbine have been prevented because of 'Grand Theft Auto', how many bullies have used 'Halo' to beat people senseless?

I had managed to repress my past enough to focus on finishing my schooling and after that I'd gone to college. With the amount of homework required for each class I easily came up with excuses for my lack of a social life to a point where I began to believe it myself. The deaths of my parents shook me and gave me further resolve to bury myself in as much paperwork as possible. That alone was why I chose to work for the FBI because with them I knew there would always be one more case to read up on, one more agent needing help.

For once my life was good. Every so often I had to deal with a FBI agent who was dealing with psychological issues, quietly observe a team to ensure they didn't need to be split up for some reason or other. It was easy no problem at all until those two came along.

Special Agent Seeley Booth and Dr. Temperance Brennan right off the bat I could sense something different about the two of them. Their word choice and their subtle habits both of these spoke loudly to me and it didn't take long for me to realize that for once I had found some one who would understand my pain and what I had been through.

Yet every time I tried to get them to talk about their pasts, and thus heal my own, I was shut down. They used every excuse they could to leave the sessions early, or forget about them entirely. It was insanity here were two people who could use help and help me and yet the treated me only slightly better then all the others had in the past. In a word they tolerated me, tolerated my presence. And like some stupid lapdog puppy I kept going back to them only to get kicked again.

Why had I ever been such a moron to actually believe that they would actually like me, or even talk to me if they weren't forced to. That and that alone shows how worthless I am. They never liked me, sure I felt special when they came to me for help with some case or other, but it was only because I was convenient. Hell if they had someone on their team with a community college psych degree they'd probably go to them first before me. Who am I to try and help people when I cannot even help myself?

BANG!

Dead center, I can't help but grin in grim satisfaction as my Doctorate degree falls off the wall and shatters on the floor. Two more loud bangs and my Masters and Undergraduate join the floor beside the Doctorate. I know no one will come. The cleaning staff has left for the night and I'm the only one in the building.

'Stay away from Dr. Sweets he'll use his Jedi Mind tricks on you.' Booth always though himself clever for coming up with something that twenty people before him had said. And yet because of his status, because he knows **the** Dr. Brennan everyone has to smile and laugh and think he's the funniest guy around. He of course has to be the successful Jock. No middle-aged baldness, no beer gut, still overly popular with the ladies. He's every much the jock he was in high school and he knows it. Anyone else who tried to wear the socks, tie, and belt buckle like Booth would be fired so fast their head would spin, and everyone who view them as an arrogant jerk.

And Dr. Brennan the Spoiled Brat of the Jeffersonian. Play by her rules, do whatever she says without question, don't talk back to her, and don't argue with her. Or else **famed **Dr. Brennan will pack up her entire team and go home and make you out to be the bully. I knew Cam had tried to stand up to Brennan once, yet had to cave to her in fear of being fired once Goodman learned she caused the Jeffersonian to lose its four best people. The four scientists who are responsible for the Jeffersonian being famous.

And here I was still the hated and ignored geek. No one wants anything to do with me because the Popular Booth and Brennan want nothing to do with me. Daisy she was the only person who saw me for who I was, who enjoyed spending time with me. Now she hates my guts because I didn't trust her. Maybe…maybe it was all some big joke to Dr. Brennan. Maybe she knew Daisy was there for her sister and told me that lie solely for kicks and to make me suffer. Certainly wouldn't be the first time someone did something like that to me.

I should have just faced the facts long ago. No one will ever like me no matter what I do. Every day I live I just burden others with the pain of having to deal with me. For all I know this might be the only good and selfless thing I've ever done during my whole life. Maybe…just maybe if I did end it all then I could be forgiven for all the pain and suffering I'd caused other simply through my living and existing.

Sighing heavily I can't help but rub at my eye, trying to banish the tears that are slowly sliding down my face. My decision made I can't help but feel guilty for wanting to continue to live. I can't back out now though, think of all the good I'm doing. Booth and Dr. Brennan won't have to put up with me or my sessions anymore, Daisy can move on with her life and never have to worry about running into me, my stuff will be sold to people who can make better use of it, and someone more deserving will get my apartment and my position at the FBI.

As a bolt of lightning flashes brightly across the night sky I close my eyes and place the barrel of the gun against my temple.

-_-_-_-_-

"Booth be careful. I don't want to end up as a corpse simply because you were going to fast during a thunderstorm." I cannot help the shiver that runs through me just now. The darkened streets and buildings are brightly illuminated for a moment as a thunderbolt splits apart the night sky.

"Bones I know what I'm doing. I've driven in conditions much worse than this and I can handle it." As Booth pulls into a parking spot in front of the building a soft ring is barely perceivable over the sound of the pounding rain. With a muffled curse Booth managed to get his SUV parked before he started digging frantically through his pockets searching for his phone. After several tense seconds and two more rings he managed to locate it and quickly flipped it open.

The moment Booth uttered an annoyed 'Hello' into his phone a feeling of dread and foreboding grasped me tightly. My entire body felt cold and for some unexplainable reason it felt as if someone was trying to warn me of something terrible that was about to occur. Shaken to my core I turned to Booth only to be taken aback at how pale his face had become. "Booth what's wrong?"

"Where is he? Do they know what's wrong? Rebecca hold on I'll be right there." Never before had Booth outright ignored me, nor literally thrown his phone at me as if I wasn't there.

"Booth what's going on, what happened?"

"It's Parker. He's been taken to the hospital and he's in surgery right now. I have to be there."

"What about Dr. Wyatt's dinner and Sweets?"

"Bones he's my son I have to be there for him. Sweets' can drive you to Dr. Wyatt's and take you home."

"Booth if it's this important maybe I sho…"

"Bones I know you care about Parker and that he likes you, but just can't be there." With out any more delay he reached over and opened my car door and had I not been getting out he likely would have pushed me. There are very few times I choose to not argue with Booth and as he sped off into the night I knew this was one of those times. Even though I don't believe in God I gave a silent prayer to him to watch over Booth and his son Parker.

Heading into the building I headed for the stairs knowing the elevator was still out of order due to maintenance issues. Yet with each step I took I still could not shake the feeling of unease that had settled upon me.

**A/N: Well that's all there is for now. Please review and let me know what you thought of this chapter, and feel free to give input on what should or shouldn't happen. **


	3. Too Long?

**Disclaimer: I have no ownership for any characters that appear in this story. Anything I do own I choose to keep known only to myself and Seshin.**

**A/N: Terribly sorry for the long delay. As stated before this isn't the easiest thing for me to write for a number of reasons. Thanks for being patient though.**

**Too Late?**

"Why was I hesitating? I had made my decision and yet…I couldn't bring myself to pull the trigger. The gun barrel was still pressed against my temple albeit shaking a bit for some reason. As I continued to hesitate memories from the last year and a half started to flitter through my mind.

Memories of the good times I had shared with Dr. Brennan and Booth, the dates I had with Daisy, bowling with Booth and Dr. Brennan after my unfortunate breakup with April. Interspersed throughout these good memories were also some rather bad memories. The betrayal I felt when accused by Booth of being Gormogon, the hurt I experienced whenever Dr. Brennan and Booth gave some lame excuse to get out of their sessions with me, and the heart wrenching pain I felt when Daisy said our relationship was over.

As I drifted through my memories I ran the back of my hand across my eyes and was unsurprised when it came back wet. I could never manage full control over my emotions like Dr. Brennan and agent Booth had. Yet another way I failed to measure up to them and everyone else. Just another item added to a mental list that spanned across the years.

-_-_-_-_-

It didn't take me long to reach the floor Sweets' office was on. Pushing open the stairwell door I stepped out into the hallway near where his office was. Thankfully his office lights were still on proving Dr. Wyatt's assumption correct. As I headed to the door I was somewhat surprised to notice Sweets' degrees not hanging up on the wall in their usual place. Even stranger were the holes in the wall were the degrees had hung…they almost looked like…but they couldn't be…could they? A sense of fear gripped me and an uncontrolled shiver raced down my spine. It would be horrible if something had happened to Dr. Sweets. Sure I didn't get along with him all the time, but he wasn't too horrible of a guy. Worst of all if someone had hurt Sweets and they were still in the building I had no way to protect myself. I mentally cursed my stupidity for having taken my gun out of my purse a few months back and had locked it in a safe within my apartment.

Pushing open the office door I stepped inside. "Dr. Sweets." Even with his back to me I noticed him stiffen when I made my presence known. He was probably hard at work on something and had failed to hear me come in. As he turned around to face me I gasped in shock. His eyes were red and puffy; a tiny river of tears flowed unabated from them down his face. The initial shock of the scene faded and was replaced with anger and before I could stop myself I yelled "Sweets what the Hell are you doing and why the Hell do you have a gun to your head!?!"

-_-_-_-_-

Sweets couldn't help chuckling slightly at what Dr. Brennan had said. Here he was planning on doing not only her but the world as a whole a huge favor and she still had the audacity to try and take control of a situation she had no hope of controlling. Leaning on his desk the gun rubbed hard against his temple as he shook his head back and forth slowly. "What I'm doing Dr. Brennan is something I should have done a long time ago. I'm finally ending the pain and suffering that you, agent Booth, your co-workers at the Jeffersonian and at the FBI have been forced to endure because of me. Once I pull this trigger none of you will have to worry about putting up with me ever again. No more dreadful sessions where I try and force you to share about your past. You won't have to tolerate my presence anymore and can get back to your happy little lives."

Temperance had to strain a couple of times to hear all that Sweets said. The choking sobs he was holding back, the cracking voice quiet mumbling had made it difficult to full understand all that he said at first, but as understanding dawned Temperance brought her hand in front of her mouth so she could gently bite it to prevent the gasp that threatened to escape her. Looking into Sweets' eyes she saw nothing there. His eyes were as cold and dead like those in the cadavers she sometimes had to work on. "Sweets that's not true."

"You don't have to lie to me Dr. Brennan. I know the truth. Hell I've known it for more than half my life. I'm garbage, a piece of disgusting trash that people avoid because they don't want to stain their hands by interacting with it. Everyone wants it to be thrown away, yet they'll tolerate and ignore it until someone does the job for them."

Temperance slowly stepped forward as Sweets was lost in his thoughts. As much as she wanted to grab the gun from him she didn't trust her reflexes at the moment. All too easily the gun could go off and kill either one of them. And even if she did get it away then what? Sweets would simply find another object to do the job with. Pulling a chair out she sat across the desk from him. Nervously she wet her lips "Sweets…why…why do you consider yourself trash?"

As the psychologist looked at his desk Brennan was uncertain if he heard her question, just as she was about to ask it again he spoke up in a heartbroken voice interrupted every so often by choking sobs. "Because that's how everyone treats me. No one wants anything to do with me. You and agent Booth have nothing to do with me unless you're at our scheduled session or if you need something from me. Even then though you treat me with disdain just like everyone else. As if I'm some idiot kid who hasn't the first clue what he's doing. It's not just you though. The only person who spoke with me regularly…who wanted to spend time with me…who seemed to actually care about me was Daisy. Now that she's gone I've got nobody. Hell who am I kidding I never had anybody to begin with. No one wants me around, no one cares about me, and no one…no one…no one even likes me. I'm…just a waste of space. Someone more deserving could do this job and likely better than I ever could. By killing myself I would finally be doing a selfless act. I would finally be repenting for everything I've done in the past to everybody. Maybe…maybe if I do it I can even be forgiven."

"Sweets suicide is never the answer. You've got too much to live for. You need to find a reason to continue living regardless of what it is."

With a loud clank the gun fell from Sweets' hands and hit the desk beside him before bouncing off of it and landed with a muffled thunk on the carpet beside Brennan's foot. Crying loudly Sweets placed his head on the desk as he covered his head with his arms. With each loud sob his back shook uncontrollably for minutes at a time. "I…I don't want to, Buh…buh…but it would be for the best. This…this pain would finally be over and I'd be at peace. No…no more tormenting, no more cruel jokes, and no more hatred."

Using the opportunity Bones snatched the gun and after putting on the safety she placed it in her purse where it would be safe. Uncertainty gripped her but she pushed it aside. Taking a deep breath she headed around to the other side of the desk and gently placed a hand on Sweets shoulder. "It's alright Sweets let it out. I'm listening."

-_-_-_-_-

For the next few hours Dr, Temperance Brennan listened quietly to all the pain Sweets had bottled up inside for years. It was like a dam had broken inside the man and everything was pouring out of him. The abuse he had endured at some foster homes, the loneliness, teasing and torment he had endured throughout his childhood from his peers. Even all the faults, whether only perceived or real, was admitted to her. At several points the tight rein Bones had on her emotions threatened to give way. At a few points she felt herself crying along with him from pain they had both shared. Somehow this felt right even if she didn't know if this was what she should be doing. At one point when Sweets recounted celebrating a childhood birthday by himself since no one else cared about the poor child's' feelings and singing 'Happy Birthday' on his own Bones surprised herself as she pulled the tearful guy into a tight hug not caring about him staining her shirt with her tears.

By the end of it both were exhausted physically, mentally and emotionally drained. It had taken a couple minutes for her to assure the young man that she was perfectly alright with him having unloaded on her emotionally. Sweets' was grateful for what she had done and apologized profusely for forcing her to endure this. Again she assured him that it was not a problem at all. She was thankful that she had managed to help him as much as she could and though she didn't say it aloud she knew she herself had needed it as much as Sweets. Perhaps she wasn't as healed from her past as she first thought. Doubtless she was certain this wouldn't be the last time Sweets would need her, or her him. All she could hope for was that this would enable the both of them to finally heal.

**The End**

**A/N: And so ends this story. Thank you for taking the time to read this. Please review and let me know what you thought of this regardless of it being good or bad. Before I bring this story to a close I'd like to dedicate this story to Seshin. Without whom I probably wouldn't be here today.**


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